I Miss You

There was a time, I missed you so badly. I was dreaming of us married, living on a big house near to the sea kissing on the kitchen, while our four children are playing around the kitchen. It was wonderful. I thought it wasn't just a dream, that it was real, until I wake up. I wake up to an empty house. empty promises. dreams went away.
This was a time when I thought it's ok to be loved, that it will remain forever. that I won't get hurt.
If family and friends hurt me I thought maybe this other feeling won't do the same to me. I believed that it's ok to be loved by someone you love. and that's why I let you in, I trusted you because you were something I never had. Since I remember myself people always criticized and hated me with no reason. but then you came, and you hugged me, not fiscally but you hugged my soul, you touched places inside of me I never thought they exist. even when I thought I'm not good enough you always said that for you, I'm the best and that I'm beautiful just the way I'm.
That's why I thought it's ok to be loved, I really thought that.
but now what?
I don't know if it's all because of you but lately nothing is ok with my life, it seems I can't find myself. and I'm trying so hard. I'm trying.
but can't. I really don't know what's going on with me. there's this days when I wake up happy and I'm dancing and singing but at night when I'm about to sleep, suddenly everything is crashing down, it all seems like a lie. I'm laying on my bed and just thinking. how and why I came to this point of my life, that nothing left for me to fight for?
I stayed with no family, and all my friends walk away. and the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me, that is you, is not here anymore. and my dear loved grandmother whom I miss so much left me too.
and I'm lost because nobody is here with me, not even you, who said you love me.
And there was a time, I missed you so badly. I dreamed the two of us are happy. And that it will last forever. and in that dream, for the first time ,I was happy. Happy without fearing someone will make me cry and then ,once again, I'll lose my smile.
thank you for the beautiful memories, memories I'll keep close to my heart forever. When I won't be able to stop crying I'll remember what you said, You're beautiful just the way you're.
thank you my dear love. thank you, I'm sorry and wish you the best, wherever you're.

Goodbye..