I’m Afraid

I'm afraid of being too picky. I wash them away from me without giving them any chance. I don't let myself fall in love, I'm afraid of them realizing I'm not enough as I suggest I am. I need them to validate my self hate, I'm afraid they won't approve of my own feelings with their clingy affection.

I need to be sensible, I need to be calculated, emotionless, simply bacause if I won't, I'm afraid I'll let myself fall, not in love, but also, out of my own skin, my own self esteem, and being. I'm afraid they will stop. Stop showing up at my door, I'm afraid they will fear me, see the true monsters in my heart, in which my beauty hides so well.

I'm afraid of falling love, I'm afraid of falling out of love, I'm afraid of being too vulnurable, yet, I'm also afraid of blocking it all away too fast and too soon. I'm afraid I've just made a mistake, he deserved a chance, I truly believe he did. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, but that's all there is, and that's why I'm afraid.