Staring at the sun

There's a hole that's in my heart
It's real enough to see
All of my people are in doubt
Trying to convince me it's not real
But no, I know – It's here

There's a hole that's in my heart
It wasnt big enough to fix
Then it turned out
It was huge enough to kill
It hits lightning

I keep flirting with it
It's here, it's right here
It's real enough to touch
And it's real enough to feel
All of my people are wrong
They live in shades of green

Nature's first green is gold
When you live in the green
You can't see the blue tones
It's nature's first iron law

When you live in the green
The blue becomes invisible
So is the black and the gray
For them, all they have to do is pray

They have what I never had
They have what I never even
Knew I needed
So thats why
I feel so goddamn envious
And resentful

Yeah, it's ugly and unfair
But I do not care
Because
I can't stop this feeling
That they took this golden thing away

So now
The leaves in my garden turned blue
Bluer than ever
Almost as blue as the deep atlantic
It might look beautiful
But it's two steps from hell

Im best friends with my doubt
And my fear, and my loss
Instead of being best friends with you
Im sitting on a dirty street bench
In the middle of the burning summer
All alone

Im staring at the sun
And I don't get blinded
Im used to this feeling in the air
Hot and heavy
Cold and gloomy
It's easier than speaking
It's easier than breathing
.All alone once again