HELP! My friend is a Vampire

My best friend, Dan (Fake name) was standing next to me, and exposed his fags out of his mouth.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
I shouted. "My best friend is a vampire!"
Everyone looked at me and screamed fearly.
"That's it!" he announced. "All of the year I've been trying to take it away from you! The smell was tempting me!"
"The smell of what?"
"You!" he yelled. He put his teeth close to my neck and sniffed it. He smiled a creepy smilr.
"Help! I have a vampire friend!" I screamed.
"And it will help to whom?" Dan asked, "I can hypnotize people! Here, I will make you turn into Celine Dion."
"Celin dion?" I asked. "Who is she?"
"We'll know shortly!" he declaimed. "You are Celine Dion now!"
"I am Celine Dion!" I said. "Wait, what am I suposed to do?"
"Let me suck the drink from you," Dan said.
"Blood?" I asked.
He smiled widely. "The drink of life!"
"NOOOOOO!" I screamed and tried to resist.
"Do NOT resist!" He said with a hypnotizing voice.
"You cannot hypntoize," I told him. "It's impossible."
"You believe in hypnotizing now," he told me.
"Suddenly I do believe in Hypnotizing," I said. "Wait, what?! Isn't it paradoxalic?"
"No, that's not, it's faith, not a fact," Dan said.
"Ha, well THAT logical," I said.
"Very logical, now let me drink! I'm thirsty!"
"You are thirsty for my blood!" I shouted.
"Bring it to me now!" he yelled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I shouted.
"It's not gonna hurt too much!" he said, and sent his hand towards my back-pack, to the Cola bottle, took it and started drinking.
"WHAT?!" I asked. "Didn't you want my blood?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I am a troubled vampire, I was born as a vampire but my mother dropped me on the floor when I was young and since then I drink cola. I'm a cola vampire.
"Oh, my," I said. "Pure luck."
He finished the whole bottle and started running towards the Cafetiria, probably for more.