Estonian
This is a story I've written for English class. Can you please correct my mistakes and give me an honest review please?
Thanks ahead!

She have died (בבקשה תקראו את זה)

Estonian 25/10/2012 1037 צפיות 3 תגובות
This is a story I've written for English class. Can you please correct my mistakes and give me an honest review please?
Thanks ahead!

It was another casual morning that wasn't suposed to turn in one hundred and eighty dagreese, as it was.
First of all, the morning began like any other morning – with something of my cupoboard, falling on my head. This is how it feels when you're living on a ship.
You see, my father is the captin of the ship, and because my parents are devorced, I live half of my life with my mother, and the other half is dedicated for trips in many countries in the middle sea.
I woke up that morning. I had brushed my teeth right before I went to the deck, gazing at the panorama.
Sea. As usual.
In my open landscape I could've seen a dolphin, jumping in my horizon, and then I recognized a water geyser. Porbably a whale.
"Whatcha doin' awake so early?" I've been asked by a voice behind me.
I turned around and find myself standing face to face with Salvatore, my dad's associet.
Salvatore was an Italian trainee captin which was my father's student.
He had a deep Italian accent, and greezy black hair. It was hard to find him with at
least one package of cigarettes.
"I was woken up," I replied.
"I see," he muttered.
I didn't like him much, and it was mutual. Both of us thought that the other was a criminal, though it's quite known that he is the one who's corrupt.
"Where is my dad?" I asked him.
"He's in the control room, doin' whatever he do," he said.
"Can I go there?"
"nope," he said. "He's too busy."
"Too busy for his own son?" I asked.
"Probably."
"Can you pass him a message?"
"sure," he said with an unhappy voice.
"Tell him that mom never ignores me when I'm with her," I said.
Salvatore rolled his eyes.
"Don't ya think that it's kinda wrong to say?"
"Well, seems like it's the only way to get my dad's attention, isn't it?"
"Fine," he sighed. "But I'm tellin' you, he's gonna be mad."
"Why?"
"’cause he's tryin' to fix a problem."
"Which one?"
"Big one."
"That's can't be good, but yet, I'm rapturous to go there."
"Fine," he said. "What ever."
I didn't wait. I had run towards the ship's body and I pushed the door.
"I've already told you, Salvatore, I'm busy," said my father while he was working on at least three things at the same time.
"This is not Salvatore," I said softly.
"Oh, Mitch," he said, finding his time to look at me.
"I… came to see how is it going. I would leave if I bother,"
"Oh, no, you don't, it's just a tiny-tiny indistinguishable problem. Not a thing that can hurt her."
When he said "her" I understood that the problem is in the ship.
My dad liked to personify it. Sometimes, he could swear that he can understand the solid body of it. I didn't really buy those stories, though my dad had the most serious look on his face that had shown me how serious he was.
"I believe you," I said.
My dad didn't respond.
I guess he was too busy doing whatever he did.
"So what's now?" asked Salvatore that suddenly entered the room.
"I'm redifing the deta into the computer," he explained.
I didn't even try to understand. All of those boats-talking were all Greek to me.
"Can ya solve it?"
"Of course I can, it's nothing. Really," said my dad.
After doing some stuff, he left the room.
"There is nothing to worry about," he said.
I decided to believe my father, and I went down to my room.
Till then, everything was simply regular, but it's all changed by the same problem my father promised he could manage to vanish.
"Mitchal!" I heard my dad's calling.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Come quickly to the deck!" he shouted.
His voice was too panic, and it caused me a rush to do it as fast as I can.
I ran to the deck fast, and I've seen many tourist, frantics.
"What's going on?!" I shouted to my dad.
"We're about to sink! water is getting into her body. We must reach this island other there. this is our only hope."
I gazed to the island. I could've recognized sand there, though I couldn't measure the distance well.
"Can we make it?"
I was too afraid from the answer.
My dad just looked at me and then he said:"We must to."
He went to the main steering wheel, to the radar for navigation.
I remember some people jumping to the water and swiming towards the island.
All of the lifeboats were taken.
The ship was swinging and water was splashed into our faces.
I remember a chair – flying to me.
The next thing I remember is blue clear skies, and the picture of my dad looking at me.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"You're fine!" He shouted happily and hugged me tightly.
"I'm chocked," I muttered.
"I was so afraid you will die!" he called.
"But what happened?"
"It's her. She died."
"Who?" I ask.
"The ship. She died."
"And the other ones?"
"I've checked the numbers of people here. Seems like everyone survived."
"So how will we get home?"
"Soon, mitch. Soon…"
"Are you fine?"
"I'm just sad."
"Sad that she have died?"
"No," he said. "As much as I loved her, ships are just woods. You are my son. Better her dead than you dead because of her."
"I love you, dad."
"I love you, Mitch."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to buy a nice new ship."
"Will I get to break the wine bottle for its first sail?"
"No. You'll get to break the wine bottle for her first sail." he corrected me.
I couldn't do anything else but smiling.


תגובות (3)

חח שאני ? אתקן אותך? ברור, אם אתה רוצה נכשל.
זה סיפור כל כך יפה! למרות שהיו כמה מילים שלא הבנתי, אבל מעט מאוד.
אתה צריך לקבל על זה לגמרי 100.
זה סיפור ממש יפה ואני מאוד אהבתי, ואתה צריך לכתוב עוד כאלה! :)

26/10/2012 12:56

תודה רבה!

27/10/2012 08:38

יש לי בעיה של לקרוא אנגלית
אם מישהו אחר יקרא לי את זה בקול רם
אני אבין יותר מאשר שאני אקרא את זה

27/10/2012 08:40
10 דקות
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