Daddy's Genes

Dear Misaki,

It's me. Elena. You probably already saw my name on the envelope, I don't know if you continued reading. I am afraid, honestly. I want you to read this, Misaki-chan. That's the way everyone called you, Misaki. I was the only one called you by your name: Misaki, without a chan, never called you Mirun. I used to tell me that you are younger, so I should call you Misaki-chan. I never did, I was stubborn.

You might get sick of my nostalgic talking about your name. It's just… a name. At least it's what I tried to say to myself since 22nd March 2015. I hope you do remember this date, if you don't you can quit reading.

I ran after I told you. You were so shocked, I was sure you'll say that you love me too. I said it again, Misaki. I said that I love you. I still do. I never told a living person, except for you. I am not like everyone else, that's way I ran. And because you seemed so hurt, almost like I stabbed you in the heart.

Which is exactly what you did, Misaki. That's way I ran.

I don't know why I ran, Misaki. I honestly don't know which reason is the real one. But I did. And I tried to forget you, Misaki. I couldn't. You'r angelic smile, your eyes, your pretty silky hair and your lips. Misaki, I couldn't.

So I decided that getting sick isn't a bad idea, I asked my father to get some drugs for me. He was shocked for a moment, then laughed. He got me a big amount, I told him I want to kill myself. He wasn't shock, he can't be shocked by this kind of things, he knew a lot of people who wanted to die. He wanted too, you know. I saved him when I was younger, he was mad for a while.

He told me these are Daddy's genes. I know that being a Lesbian is Daddy's genes to. You know, he kicked my mother out of the house when he finally understood he is interested in men. I still love him, Misaki.

So I have enough drugs to quit my life, which is what I am going to do. I was thinking about it a lot, I chose to do it. No one brain-washed me, I am not the type to be brain-washed easily, in fact, Sashihara-san tried.

I still love you, Misaki.

Erela.

Misaki put the letter on the grave, kissing the paper one last time. She closed her hair, trying to stop herself from crying. The tears were shiny in the light, and she let go her feeling.

"I love you, Elena," she whispered through her tears.

"I really do."